Birth Announcement

I received a most precious birth announcement yesterday and promptly posted it on my board.  My “office” space in the basement is a double card-table and ironing board piled with papers.  It is a humble space, but meets my needs.  The anchor of the space is my corkboard that holds all the Thank Yous, birth announcements, updated baby pics, and several memorial cards from baby’s funerals. If ever I am feeling unappreciated and unsure if what I am doing even matters, I take a few down to look over. 

Handling  the brown and blue paper decorated with monkeys, I find myself thinking back to when I first met the parents of this baby.  How young and eager, anxious they were.  Many of the cards come from Amish couples I teach in childbirth class.  The first night of class is always a bit charged with nervous energy.  I tell them it is ok to be nervous- I get nervous too.  “Imagine explaining the workings of a woman’s reproductive system to a room of 16 people you just met,” I say.  That usually gets a smile and some nodding, sighs of relief that they aren’t in my shoes.  And then I take them through a whole lot of information and laughing over the course of three nights, they come out on the other side of it less worried and a bit more ready. 

One of the most rewarding things about teaching childbirth class is getting to know the couple during the last part of their pregnancy and then gathering for brunch a few months after the baby is born, to see them again transformed into mothers.  I just attended one of these “reunion” brunches.  Seven Amish young mothers and their 5 month old babies gathered to eat, talk and fuss over each other’s babies.  I usually have to facilitate some of the discussion at first.  Easy topics like, name, birth date and birth weight.  Oh the pure pleasure on each mother’s face as she introduces her baby to the group.  I love that moment!  A few hours pass and the conversation is rolling.  Usually it’s a good dose of griping about a fussy baby or lost night’s sleep, questions about what remedy you use for this or that, topics that us non-Amish mothers seek out on the internet or Facebook. 

My birthworker brain takes note of how all the babies are snuggled on their mother’s laps, babbling and blowing bubbles with their spit.  Sure some of their labors were hard and long.  For several the hardest part about having a baby was learning to breast feed. But no matter how the birth went, if breastfeeding worked out or not- all the babies today are strong healthy butter balls on the verge of being rolley- polley.  That’s my underlying goal of the gathering really: to get the women to talk about their experiences, their babies and to see in the end that it is a treasure to have a healthy baby. 

One mother lamented today that she didn’t get to have a “real” birth because soon after she was admitted to the hospital she was on her way for a C-Section because of a breech baby.  She made this comment as her sweet 4 ½ month old baby nursed and kicked at its blanket. I got what she was saying, it is very common to grieve the loss of a natural birth.  One of the women at the table quickly pointed out that she had the natural birth that she wanted, but breastfeeding turned out to be a stressful and disappointing endeavor.  Several other mothers nodded in agreement and added comments.  They feel like failures,  as all three are bottle feeding now. 

This exchange and others like it help mothers process their unmet expectations and realities.  New mothers need a place to discuss their experiences and to hear from the mouths of their peers that they are not alone and really not so bad off.  I wish there was a way for me to facilitate new mother’s meetings on a more regular basis.  Doesn’t someone want to pay me to do that? And then they’ll come flocking in right?

Back to this birth announcement I just received. It’s from a family that inspires me to be grateful for healthy living babies and all the toil they put their mothers through.  A 3x 4 inch textured cardstock made especially for this baby’s arrival, announces baby boy Anias Levi, born January 5, 2014 on the verge of a blizzard (that blizzard part wasn’t actually on the announcement).  Weighing in at 9 lbs and 15 oz and 21 inches long, the card has little giraffes, elephants and lions on it.  I hung it up on my board, it is right in the center.  I placed it next to the obituary of his brother Ephraim, born December 12, 2013 died December 13, 2013.  You see babies aren’t always healthy, there isn’t any guarantee it all turns out like it should. 

And that is what I hold, the reality I carry, and one that I would like to shelter each one of the mothers I work with from.  Shelter them from the experience- but not the gratitude it brings.  I want them to know how fortunate they are to have a baby that wakes every 2 hours at night to feed, or that fusses and wants to be held "all day".  This awareness is the burden we birthworkers carry.  This is a burden I carry.  Through study and experience I am released from innocence.  I have seen, held and cared for babies that are no longer living.  At every birth, I hold my breath.  At the arrival and possession of each birth announcement, I exhale.